Ummm...What?!?!

Recently I have noticed changes in my face and body, results of both age and childbirth. I've been thinking about all my years of working out, not working out, losing and gaining weight (not always in that order), years of hair colors, facials, mani and pedi's, all the times when I really gave a shit about my appearance and did everything I could possibly do, and the times when I burned out on all of that and said screw it - gimme a slice of pizza and a beer...or 4.

I hardly ever get carded anymore. When I do get carded it's by a cashier who is wearing a pin stating, "I card if you look younger than 50." Apparently I look younger than 50. This is a good thing.

I remember being at a friend's wedding when I was 28 or 29 and sitting at a table filled with her friends from high school. They were all easily 5 years younger than me and I was the only person who was carded by the server when they served the champagne toast. THAT was a compliment.

Want to know what ISN'T a compliment? When the punk ass kid in the security line who checks the passports and id's looks at my passport, looks at me, looks at my passport a little longer, looks at me, looks at the passport AGAIN (seriously), looks at me and then loudly exclaims,

"Wow! When did you take that photo?"

I start to smile.

He continues,
"You look so young in it! You should really get an updated photo in this thing."

Um, first of all I'm not old. I am, however, old enough and quite capable of kicking your ass.

Second, the photo was taken only a year ago and it wasn't even that great of a photo. So, bite me.

Third, it is 7a.m. and I have literally just rolled out of bed and into the airport. You won't let me come through with any liquids which includes coffee. Coffee, which my husband knows, is also known as my early morning attitude adjuster and facelift. So I wasn't looking even remotely close to my normally fantabulous self.

Who says that to someone? I was speechless. Speechless.

If only...

If only I had that hot steaming cup of coffee warming the palms of my hands as I came through the line. If only I'd been more prepared for your early morning verbal bitch slap. I'm a bit clumsy, you see, so there is a high probability that my cup may have "accidentally" fallen out of my hand and onto you.

Accidentally, of course.


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