Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Recently I have noticed changes in my face and body, results of both age and childbirth. I've been thinking about all my years of working out, not working out, losing and gaining weight (not always in that order), years of hair colors, facials, mani and pedi's, all the times when I really gave a shit about my appearance and did everything I could possibly do, and the times when I burned out on all of that and said screw it - gimme a slice of pizza and a beer...or 4.

I hardly ever get carded anymore. When I do get carded it's by a cashier who is wearing a pin stating, "I card if you look younger than 50." Apparently I look younger than 50. This is a good thing.

I remember being at a friend's wedding when I was 28 or 29 and sitting at a table filled with her friends from high school. They were all easily 5 years younger than me and I was the only person who was carded by the server when they served the champagne toast. THAT was a compliment.

Want to know what ISN'T a compliment? When the punk ass kid in the security line who checks the passports and id's looks at my passport, looks at me, looks at my passport a little longer, looks at me, looks at the passport AGAIN (seriously), looks at me and then loudly exclaims,

"Wow! When did you take that photo?"

I start to smile.

He continues,
"You look so young in it! You should really get an updated photo in this thing."

Um, first of all I'm not old. I am, however, old enough and quite capable of kicking your ass.

Second, the photo was taken only a year ago and it wasn't even that great of a photo. So, bite me.

Third, it is 7a.m. and I have literally just rolled out of bed and into the airport. You won't let me come through with any liquids which includes coffee. Coffee, which my husband knows, is also known as my early morning attitude adjuster and facelift. So I wasn't looking even remotely close to my normally fantabulous self.

Who says that to someone? I was speechless. Speechless.

If only...

If only I had that hot steaming cup of coffee warming the palms of my hands as I came through the line. If only I'd been more prepared for your early morning verbal bitch slap. I'm a bit clumsy, you see, so there is a high probability that my cup may have "accidentally" fallen out of my hand and onto you.

Accidentally, of course.



Tova said...

Loved it....not better than coffee, but hilarious.

hugs, tov

Anonymous said...

I agree with Tov, it made me laugh. Sorry babe- it really has happened to the best of us! :)

Alison Hamilton said...

You are toooo funny!!! I hate the airport controls - why is it everytime I'm going somewhere the baby is sleeping....I then have to remove my coat, HER coat and MY SHOES - all this whilst trying to juggle the baby. Of course she wakes up and I end up juggling with a screaming child. I haven't travelled since having my second and am SO looking forward to that!

As for changes in body shape due to having children - my friend was saying that she could now hold a pencil under her boob; a sign, I'm told, that you no longer have pert boobs - I had to admit, I could probably hold a pencil case!!

Love the blog - Alison (ellabellaboo from swapbot!)

Christine said...

Ok, so I've just got to your blog and I'm cracking up! This story is so familiar....on one hand we don't want to admit how vain we are...on the other....well you know!

Heather said...

Maybe TSA needs a bit of sensitivity training if only to protect themselves from sleep deprived travellers.

Heather (spirit from swapbot)

Amy said...

LMAO this is so funny...but it does happen to all of us eventually. But what a great story.

Sharryn Thomson said...

Hey Maria,
Sorry but had a laugh at your post...LOL
I definitely would've spilt the coffee over the cheeky bugger if I'd had some...
Hope your move goes a bit smoother :)
Sharryn - Swap bot

Elvis Craftstello said...

That kid will get paid back when he loses his hair and gets a huge beer belly...

I'm Susan from the blog-time swap and I love your writing!!

Rebecca said...

Hi there! You won my little contest. Please send an email with your mailing address to rebeccacoke at yahoo dot com, and I will pop your prizes from Vietnam in the mail.

Kalyn said...

Thanks so much for pointing me to the information about chickpea flour for the South Beach Diet. I had looked in the books, but somehow missed that! I corrected it in the recipe and in my recipe archives. (BTW, you look pretty young to me!)