And then I met...his boyfriend.
It's true. It really happened. It is one of Dave's favorite stories.
This was YEARS ago, mind you. I was in my early to mid-20's, long before I learned to turn on my gay-dar. I was at a party celebrating a mutual friend's birthday where this friend introduced me to who I like to refer to as "Shoulda' Been Obvious".
"Shoulda' Been Obvious" and I started chatting away and laughing, laughing, laughing, getting each other drinks and dancing the night away. We made plans to hang out again. And again. And again. Pretty soon we were spending lots of time together. We would hug and then after a few weeks we would hold hands sometimes...and then after a little while longer we would kiss each other (just a peck) when we would greet or leave each other.
(I know, this is so confusing right?)
Then one day he calls me to meet make plans for dinner and says, "I'm going to bring someone that I want you to meet, ok?"
Ok! Sure! The more the merrier.
So, imagine my surprise when I walk up to the bar at the restaurant and he introduces me to his friend. Or as I like to call him "my boyfriend stealer", aka "Thief". A little harsh, maybe, but who has control over what their mind decides is a very fitting nickname, hmmm?
"Thief" was nice, funny, cute and very welcoming. After a few minutes he excused himself to use the restroom and as soon as he was out of earshot "Shoulda' Been Obvious" quickly turns to me and asks,
"Sooooo? What do you think?"
I look at his smiling face and a little confused I ask, "About what?"
"Shoulda' Been Obvious"" points at "Thief's" bar stool and says, "About Thief! Isn't he great? I met him about a week ago and we've totally hit it off. I really like him."
A bit of a pause here.
Then all I could say was, "I didn't realize you were gay."
He laughs and waves his hand not realizing I was serious, "Yeah, right!"
Holy shit. What? So incredibly confused.
You know the part in the movies where everything comes together and a million scenes come flying at you one after the other explaining little things that should have been obvious at the time but weren't and now are clear as a bell? That's exactly what happened.
So to help all you lovely people from having your heart broken like mine was at that moment let me tell you the top 5 clues that SHOULD have made clear to me the fact that "Shoulda' Been Obvious" was Just Not That Into Me:
5. He was an amazing dresser. He would sometimes suggest a different accessory to the one I was wearing. But these were the days where being "Metrosexual" was becoming more common.
4. We dance, I lead.
3. After a month of casually holding hands and pecks on the lips/cheek nothing else ever happened?
2. I order a Grey Goose Dirty Martini. He orders a Zima.
1. He introduces me to his new boyfriend. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
"Shoulda' Been Obvious" and I still keep in touch and he refers to me as his first and only girlfriend. Thank goodness he has a sense of humor. When he realized I was serious about not realizing he was gay he looked absolutely stunned. And then he gave me a big smile and a huge hug and said, "You are nuts. I love you!"
Oy.
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